I don’t know if any of you have ever heard of Tucker Max? If you’ve ever watched the film “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” then you would have. That film is basically based on his life and his stories are on his website and they’re hilarious. I showed them to a friend recently and they suggested I start writing down stories from my past, just for them to read basically. I had a think about it and decided “why the hell not”.
I figured I could give it a test run here and give a sneak preview of it. So here is a snippet from Chapter Three of my life story.
“Place yourself in my situation for a moment. Here I was in the garden next to my parents house, tied up in rope, inside a greenhouse, on my own, no way of getting out and only a leg available. What would you do? Of course, you would use the leg to slide open the door and attempt to hop over to your own garden where one of your parents could untie you, everyone could laugh and “boys will be boys” right? Wrong!! I kicked the windows in the greenhouse until they smashed, got covered in glass and screamed for my mum who ultimately ran out of the house having witnessed the whole thing, dragged me home, untied me, smacked my arse and sent me to bed. Grounded for two weeks I was. I had lost contact with my new friends within three days of meeting them. This woman couldn’t do this to me! I was a master villain, moments ago I had attempted to destroy the population and take over the world. I was a nemesis to the worlds greatest superheroes, who did she think she was? I wasn’t standing for it! I stormed out of my room, threw open the front door and gallantly walked out of it. Standing on my front door step smiling and pleased with my apparent victory I felt indestructible. Seconds later I got pulled back in the door, skelped again and sent to my bed without dinner. The life of a master villain eh?”
I love reading stuff by Tucker Max and so when the film came out I instantly had to see it. It came out in 2009 and it still stands up as one of my favourites so if you haven’t watched it yet then you should go and find it. I know it’s on LoveFilm so that’s a good place to start.